Posted in God

Conversation with God

The life of the godly is full of light and joy, but the light of the wicked will be snuffed out. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭9‬ NLT)

I found the Lord 
And 
He’s blessed me with so much. 
My life, my sentiments, my delusions. 
The darkest nights of my delusional.  
All that I ask for is your grace, O Lord! 
Your grace, nothing but your grace. 
The days are lengthy, obscure and extensive. 
The nights are bright for nothing. 
What good does a light without cheerfulness?
Grant me the sage to face the world.
Give me the boldness of solidity.
Grace the palms that feed me.
Bless the souls that pray for me.
Rinse off shame from those forces that comfort me. 
2.
There is a shadow on every path.
The man asks if life indeed exists.
The woman requests if there’s a genuine love.
The child requires a moment without abuse.
The unborn poses on the necessity to be born.
The womb wonders on the passage of life.
3
Lord, it was useless, 
When a mere mortal question your existence.
Lord, it was useless,
When first love metamorphoses to hatred. 
Lord, it was useless, 
When a blissful union ends in savage battle.
Lord, it was useless, 
When a man lusts sinfully after little girls. 
4.
What is useful to you, Heavenly Father? 
A heartbeat of thankful. 
A pathway filled with appreciation.
A warm core of humility. 
A happy face over wrapped in a daily smile. An open arm of forgiveness. 
A mortal body of true friendship. 
5. 
We will go away
Blown into the air like the toxic wasteland. 
We will dissolve away 
Wash into the ocean like rain water. 
We will be wiped out 
Delete from all memories of ever-present. 
Rich or poor, stable or wobbling, tall or little,
Upright or downright, learned or dunce,
It will not count anymore. 
Just a matter of time though
And
The chapter is concluded. 
6.
What really matters then?
God. 
Trust me or curse me-
He alone matters. 
We ask ourselves why?
No need to ask the reason why.
Cause we need to? 
Oh Lord, help me out here! 
Tell them what matters to you? 
Tell them to reconsider their way? 
Tell them a moment 
And
It is finished. 
7.
I salute you, darling Father
For a life as beautiful as this of mine
I hail you, handsome Jehovah 
For everything and everyone. 
It isn’t true everything is nothing.
What is nothing is not having a purpose. 
I honour you forever, Dear God. 
Only You, it not about me anymore more. 
Oh yes! 
Long ago it ceased to be about me. 
8
Take me as I am and brush off the debris 
The leftover dirt of anger, 
Of malice
Of grudges 
Of hatred
Of contempt 
Of jealousy 
Of envy
Of revenge. 
Calculate the courses of my life
And 
Tell me how many years I’ve got left. 
Tell me how much time I’ve wasted in 
Procrastinating when I need to get things done.
Tell me how many times I’ve fallen out 
Of your grace and messed myself up.
Tell me if I still need some mind cleansing —To scrub out the dead details of my life,
To clear the shafts of narcissistic plots.
9.
Daddy, please don’t let me end my life by
Taking others with me. 
I came alone 
And 
I will go alone. 
In fear, help me to see you. 
In panic, show me calmness. 
In horror, grant me peace knowing you are there. 
In desperation, talk to me in a loud voice,
And not just in signs and dreams. 
10.
What else do I need? 
What else is missing? 
What else is unaccomplished?
What else is between the two worlds?
Life here, 
A better life over there.  
Which is preferable? 
For now, oh Lord, help me 
To be grateful for the moment, 
To find joy in living in the moment. 
Peace.  

Author:

Princess Ayelotan is a writer/poet, feminist and independent researcher. Her scholarly interest ranges widely, from — Creative Writing related to Gender issues; — Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG), — Rape as a weapon of war, — Violence against disabled women, — Child Sexual Exploitation : e.g. child prostitution and trafficking, — Female economic empowerment — Activism.

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